Michelle and I have known for months that she will be going through chemo therapy once again. We also understand how these toxic drugs can and will wreak havoc in her body, albeit to defeat cancer. This is the quintessential double edged sword. We talked at length about this, met with oncologists; she had all the tests and lab work done in preparation for what lay ahead. In spite of all this groundwork the war being waged in her body has affected me in ways I had not anticipated. In vain I watch her falter and suffer and the only thing I can do is to love her, be there for her in every way I can. This feels inadequate somehow but all I know as I watch myself fishtailing into now.